Remembering Fleetwood: Honoring the legacy of queer family
Losing someone we love is one of the most challenging things in life, and when that person is an integral part of your queer community the impact can be profound. We lost a dear community member, friend and family member, Fleetwood (he/they) to a tragic accident involving a drunk driver. This loss has not only left a huge hole in our lives, but in the fabric of our community. Within the context of a larger queer family, Fleetwood (pictured sitting on a stool above) was an integral thread, weaving strength, love and understanding into our lives, mending the holes in our hearts left by queer-phobic family members and transphobic society at large. The significance of experiencing connection like this within the queer community is indescribable.
Their presence online often made us laugh, their laughter in a room warmed our hearts, their infectious spirit resonated with countless people. As we remember and honor them, we also reflect on the unique dynamics of queer families.
Fleetwood was more than a friend, they were a beacon of Live-Laugh-Love and light in our community. Their contributions through activism, art and personal connections have left a transsexual-cherub-shaped mark on our lives. If you knew him, or knew of them you can surely recall many moments of shared joy, the ripple effect of their work in the world, the ways they championed others, and how they used humor to celebrate the resilience of our community.
The loss of a community member has deep reverberations. It is particularly heart-breaking within the trans community, where the challenges of acceptance and support are often intensified. In times of great grief, the necessary yet imperfect queer family stands as a pillar of strength, offering comfort and understanding in the face of societal and familial rejection. Even amidst grief our biological families and non-queer and trans friends may not be able to grasp the scope of our pain. We then recognize the unique role our queer family plays in providing the support and love that may be absent from our biological families. The queer family is far from perfect and there are sure to be harms done within the collective grief but it is here that we gravitate.
In honoring Fleetwood, and all of the queer and trans people we have lost, advocacy becomes not only a means of remembrance but a way to ensure that our queer family continues to thrive. Asking ourselves, how can we provide the necessary support for those in our community who need it most? This loss not only highlights the ongoing need for awareness and understanding of the challenges faced by the queer and trans community, but so much more. Thinking of Fleetwood, it underscores the necessity of supporting and advocating for the rights of queer veterans, ways to prevent drunk driving, standing up against the genocide in Palestine and sacred fat/trans/queer communion, and advocating for disabled queers. There are so many other ways that those who knew him more closely can surely add to the list.
As we navigate the grief of losing Fleetwood, it becomes essential to find ways to honor their legacy. Creating art, organizing events, and supporting causes dear to them are all tangible ways to ensure that their impact continues. As we do so, we recognize the vital role of our queer family in preserving their memory and continuing the work they so passionately pursued.
Within the queer community, the concept of queer family holds profound significance. Although it is important to recognize it is not without its problems and room for growth. For many of us who have been disowned by our biological families, our chosen family becomes our sanctuary. Although not always healthy, it can grow to provide the love, acceptance, and support that may be absent elsewhere. In times of grief, joy, and pain the queer family stands as a testament to the resilience and strength of our community.
A loss in the queer community like that of Fleetwood reminds us of the unique bonds we share within our queer families and where those connections might need some healing. It has underscored the importance of continuing to advocate for and support queer and trans communities, ensuring that our chosen family remains a source of love, acceptance, and strength for all who seek it.
In remembering Fleetwood we commit ourselves to nurturing and celebrating our queer family, recognizing that within these connections lie the foundation of our community's resilience. As we move forward, we can honor the legacy of Fleetwood by continuing to build a world that is more supportive, inclusive, and loving for all.
I know this blog post only scratches the surface of these themes, and that Fleetwood wasn't perfect nor is the queer family dynamic not wrot with its own imperfections. So I invite you to leave a comment and add to this discussion for us to read and learn from each other. How are you honoring Fleetwood, or other queer community members you have lost? What are your thoughts on queer and trans families? Do you have any resources you would like to share? Please feel free to share anything else you might be thinking about in relation to this blog post below.
Thank you for being here.
xo Leif
